Supporting Children Transitioning Back-To-School

As the (loooong) awaited start to the school year is now upon us, it is important to recognize the challenge that our kids are facing as they encounter another transition in a long list of recent changes. Back-to-school evokes feelings of excitement and nervousness both for our children and for ourselves as parents. Returning to school this year in particular amplifies these emotional experiences. Kids (and parents) are being asked to adapt to a state of constant uncertainty as our “new normal” evolves and unfolds. We as humans are hard-wired to be cautious of new and unfamiliar situations. Returning to school or any type of routine after an extended period of time can be anxiety-inducing, even for the most resilient of us. If your children (or yourself!) are experiencing difficulty with heading back-to-school, here are some strategies designed to help ease this transition and the associated feelings of anxiety.

Lead with Confidence

First and foremost, you must be taking the lead from a place of your own comfort and confidence, with this life transition, in order for your child to also feel comfortable and confident with it. If you are not feeling safe and secure about the decision for your child to return to school, reaching out for support with this decision may be a helpful next step.

It is okay to share about your own anxiety-this is a great opportunity to model appropriate emotion-regulation and coping. It is important not to project your own anxiety outward for your child to mimic.

Sharing Information

Provide your child with as much information as is necessary and available for them to feel prepared and reduce the level of uncertainty they are experiencing. Share the correspondence from the school with regard to new procedures and practices. It is okay if you don't have the answers to their questions... model not having all of the answers and being okay with it! Be open about new and ongoing changes and the benefit of being able to go-with-the-flow! Exercising flexibility strengthens our brain pathways!

Encourage Expression of Feelings

Listen to your child's concerns and encourage them to attach a feelings-word to their experience. When it comes to emotions, naming it helps to tame it! Your job is to normalize and validate what your child is experiencing. The following type of dialogue demonstrates validation: “It makes sense that you are feeling nervous about going back to school; this is a big change from what you have been used to, and there are big changes at school now”. Your child may also need encouragement to further explore and express their emotions, ie. “which part are you feeling most worried about?”, “which part are you feeling most excited about?”

Increase Predictability

Implement routine and structure back into your child's life as much as possible. Routine and structure provide predictability and security for your child during this time of increased uncertainty in their day-to-day lives. Children (and adults) thrive from routine. This results in one less thing to have to worry about and plan for.

Easing Separation

If your child is experiencing elevated worry about being separated from yourself/a parent, provide a way for the child to maintain a feeling of connection to you even while at school. Create bracelets together that the child can wear at school, perhaps with an empowering word on it (brave, love, etc.), allow the child to take a family photograph in their backpack, write a note and place in his or her lunch bag, etc.

Yearning for Control

Human-beings take great comfort in having control. Provide your child opportunities for control in the midst of a time when they feel no control over their world. The smallest sense of control can go a long way. Offer them choices whenever possible without compromising safety and structure in the home.

ie. What type and design of mask would they like to choose? Which comfort object would they like to take to school today? What do they wish to wear? Which type of fruit would they like in their lunch?

Teach your child how to feel more in control of their body and mind when anxiety is elevated (breath-work, self-talk, etc.)

Practice Preparation

Increase feelings of preparedness by having the child visualize, with as much detail as possible, what their day at school is likely to look like. Encourage them to use all of their senses to describe their day. Use rehearsal as a strategy to practice being comfortable in the school setting and interacting with peers and teachers (in a new way!)

Promote Positivity

Model positive thinking by sharing about your own positive thoughts. Send a positive or empowering message in your child's lunch bag - write it on their banana! Draw a happy face on their orange :)

Each day ask your child to identify “three good things” about their school day, either that happened or that they predict may happen. Ask for specific positive feedback about school, ie. What was your favourite thing about today? What was a way that you acted kind or thoughtful today? What might your teacher have appreciated about your actions today? What is something you feel proud of accomplishing today?

Encourage them to find a meaningful role for themselves at school.